A Furniture Monarch Has Feelings

Sofa King happy, Sofa King sad.
Sofa King greatful, Sofa King mad.
Sofa King sleepy or Sofa King wired,
Sofa King glad just to be admired.
Sofa King gloomy, Sofa King bright
Sofa King heavy, Sofa King light.
Sofa King bad or Sofa King good,
Sofa King acting best as he could.
Sofa King time to say nighty-night
Hush hit the bed, sleepy-bye, nighty-night

Why I ♥ Pantsing

I like to read.  I am a compulsive reader and usually can't put a book down until it's finished because I just NEED to know what happens next.  I have never read the end of a book before starting it ever.  This is why I love pantsing.

Everyone has their own opinion this is a great post by my good friend Everett Powers on plotting (or outlining as I call it).  Obviously not every one falls into the two categories neatly, some do both to varying degrees, even I do but not until I've completed my first draft.

I only ever start a book with an idea a premise and a loose plot, sometimes even just a good line like one of my neglected WIPs started with this:

I was just finishing up a case I was working on, the case was scotch and I'd nearly gotten to the bottom of it.

When I started writing that I had no clue where it was going, still don't really and I'm about 75% of my way through.

To me pantsing is kind of like the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books I loved when I was younger.  You control what everyone is doing and where they will go but only when you get to a certain point and then everything works itself out from there (hopefully).  The fastest way for me to lose interest in a project is to figure out how it is going to end long before I get there.  If I do I quickly change direction and steer it away to some other unknown conclusion.  Things pop up as I write, interesting thoughts or situations that hadn't occurred to me until that moment and if I had outlined I may have skipped over them or tried to include them in some awkward way.  I'm excited to write this way, I can't wait until I find out what happens next.

In my current WIP my MC was planning to commit a murder to steer the cops away from him as a suspect for another one.  Until I wrote the words 

"He was surprised to return to his apartment and see four uniformed policemen and Tim standing at the door."

I had no idea they were going to be there.  It wasn't outside of the realm of possibilities but it certainly threw a monkey wrench into his (my) plans for what was going to happen next.  I can't wait to find out what it is and I hope that someday when you're reading it neither can you.

Just a side note.  I had already finished a first draft of this WIP and outlined it then lost most of the end of the draft.  I am re-writing it and guess what, I may as well throw that outline out the window because suddenly my characters aren't doing what they did last time, which is good because I already knew the old ending, now I get a new one!

How do you write and why?  I'd love to know!

Thanks for Reading

This Complete Idiot's Guide to the Galaxy (and Beyond)

I am working on putting my theory of the universe that has been rattling around in my head and brewing up since I was a teenager (which wasn't that long ago, in relation to the age of the Universe).  This is how the Synopsis may read:

Anyone can have a theory. Many express their views in print, but never before has it been done like this, at least not in this small corner of the galaxy. It's a theory of the universe from the eyes of a complete idiot who knows nothing about science and even less about good science. Using popular science and pop culture, this essay delves into this very deep subject with social commentary, a bit of logic and a few potty jokes thrown in for good-measure.
The universe has never been twisted such.

Here is an excerpt:

It’s A Trap!
In the movie In the Mouth of Madness, the main character, John Trent, finds himself unable to escape from Hobb’s End, a sleepy east coast village. No matter which way he drives out of town he always ends up back there. In the end he keeps his sanity while everyone else loses theirs, which makes him insane in relation. This is what will happen to you if you attempt to question my theories. Anyways, I digress.
We could look at the universe as Hobb’s End. No matter which way we travel we will always end up back where we start. You will never know when you’ve hit the “wall” of the universe because to pass through it, which you really don’t, you are on the other side of the universe. This is a bastardization of my theory but for exampletive purposes it will do. In the same way that Everything exists inside the universe, Nothing can get out. There’s no trap door, secret tunnel or passage ways that appear when you say the magic words, “Open Sesame!.” The wall might as well be impregnable, mostly because you don’t know where it is when you get to it, and because even if you did know where it is “breaking through it” would just start you on a path back to the beginning. I call this D. Ryan Leask’s Law of You’re Trapped Mother F**ker! or simply YTMF!.

Of course now you find yourself asking “What if you could?”
To which I reply firmly “You can’t.”
“But just let’s pretend you can.” You retort.
“There’s no place for ‘pretending’ in science!” I exclaim.
“But you said…”
To which I reply, “Shit, you got me.”

(The next section is titled nothing, just so you know)

Thanks for Reading


D. Ryan Leask

I'm no longer supporting or selling on Amazon

I should just warn you that this is one of those "Opinion Piece" blogs from someone (me) who did about ten minutes of research and fired pretty much off the cuff.  There are likely ten million arguments out there against what I am saying and likely even more denouncing the Huffington Post piece I have used as the basis of this.  I don't care, nor do I want to get in an argument from someone with a different opinion.  If you don't like what I have to say keep it to yourself and just ignore me and at least give me some credit for being honest about my ignorance!

The saying "don't bite the hand that feeds you" doesn't really apply here as I have eaten nothing from Amazon and before I make a single dime from them I have decided to remove my books.  Why would I sell my wares at a site that I have decided to oppose?  I am taking a stand damn it!

I recently read an article on The Huffington Post (be informed read the article!) about how Kindle/Amazon is being bombarded with junk eBooks.  This isn't the first time I have read about this.  There have been a number of articles about this phenomena recently.  According to the article Nook, Smashwords and others aren't having the same issues.  Two reasons according to the article is that either there isn't enough users of these services to warrant bothering with it or they are taking actions to prevent it.

Here is a (possibly cynical) look at Amazons Policy, red notes are mine:

Publishing rights are the rights you need to publish a book. To publish a book for Kindle through KDP, you must have obtained all rights necessary to publish the digital book from the book's author and any other content creators, or, if you are the book's author, you must have retained all of the necessary digital book publishing rights. -this is good


If you are publishing a public domain book, keep in mind that the duration of copyright varies between countries, so ensure that you indicate your territory rights accurately. (If your book is in the public domain in one country but not another, you must identify you territory rights accordingly.) Books that consist entirely or primarily of public domain content are not eligible for the 70% royalty option -because it doesn't belong to you and you are likely selling loads of crap for cheap so Amazon needs to make as much money from you as possible.  If they thought your work may have some value added potential they'd likely have a category for such stuff so you could receive a higher royalty, but they don't encourage that. For full details, terms and conditions see the Pricing page and Terms and Conditions.

If your book is under copyright and you hold the necessary rights for this content, select "This is not a public domain work and I hold the necessary publishing rights."

So big surprise that Amazon won't pay the higher royalty rate to junk (provided that the person submitting it checks "This is public domain work".  Another part of the article talks about how these junk books sell for $0.99 which is also a low royalty area on Amazon, coincidence?  If you want to sell your original book at $0.99 you have to compete with Private Label Rights content (fancy name for junk/spam books).  I don't think Amazon has any desire to stop this practice.  The believe they have the corner on eBooks, and they likely do, most people are buying "Best Sellers" which is likely a very high percentage of Amazon's eBook revenue stream and the $0.65 they make from every $0.99 book that is sold is just a nice bonus.  Why would they bother changing it? To help independent authors?  I bet the majority of the money they make from $0.99 books are from these junk books so why would they limit this revenue stream if the majority of people aren't even buying them?  I would say that if it becomes a problem or this revenue begins to dry up they will just stop allowing self publishing through their site.  Of course this is all just conjecture, speculation and a hint of doom.

Here is the last line from the Huffington article:

"This is why email spam has become such a problem -- it costs nothing," she said. "If people can put out 12 versions of a single book under different titles and authors, and at different prices, even if they sell just one or two books, they can make money. They win and the loser is Amazon."

Really?  I can't see where Amazon is losing, they made $1.30 from those two books, more than the "author" made.
Here is an interesting blog from "Writer Beware™ Blogs!" with Mark Coker, the founder of Smashwords.

Amazon has rubbed me the wrong way for quite a while and this is the final straw.  Support your favourite Independent authors through Smashwords, they format books for Kindle.  Go ahead and get your Nora Roberts and Suzanne Collins from Amazon, or better yet, if you haven't bought a Kindle yet, don't.  I ♥ my Kobo and many swear by their Nooks!

Thanks For Reading
D. Ryan Leask

How I Readied My E-Book For Publication

For those that follow me aka my D.ciples (too early to name my fans?) you are aware that I have published "Counting Down the Storm" as an E-Book (availability details here). It was a bit of an arduous process but I want to share what I learned along the way.
First of all I want to thank all of my twitter friends for helping me so much in the process. Some I will mention below but Steve Umstead (author of Gabriel's Redemption -BUY IT) and Karen DeLabar (one half of Have Coffee… Will Write) were extremely helpful in testing the formatting and Everett Powers (author of The Mighty T -BUY IT) answered my call to include an ad (for free) within my book.  Many others showed support in so many other ways.  I could devote a whole "First of all I would like to thank the academy" blog, but I will not.



Formatting For Amazon, Barnes & Nobles and Goodreads

 *First of all this is not a blog on editing or in document formatting, that is up to you.*

*this is merely set out to get you from your completed manuscript to an e-book.*

RULE #1: Always keep an original version of your work before you do any formatting!
The Following Steps are if you are planning on formatting to E-Pub(Nook) or Mobi (Kindle). Smashwords has another set of formatting criteria which I will cover a bit later.

THESE INSTRUCTIONS ARE ASSUMING THAT YOU USED MICROSOFT WORD AND PLANNING TO UPLOAD TO AMAZON.COM AND/OR BARNES & NOBLE.  IF YOU DID NOT I CAN NOT SAY HOW HELPFUL THE FOLLOWING WILL BE
First of all I started with Sophia Martin's fantastic blog on Formatting
There were a few things that weren't all that clear and it took a little trial and error, her notes on em-dashes (—) were especially helpful (alt codes to make symbols like the em-dash and the ellipses, …, can be found here)
Her notes on using the find/replace were a little off for my version of word.  Here are some extra instructions for my situation:

Sophia Said: -NEED MORE HELP WITH THIS STEP? SEE Guido Henkel's Guide Part VI
In your Word doc:
*NOTE: ≥ and ≤ have replaced > and < as I don't know how to make them show up properly 1. Find/Replace: In Find box, type ≤i≥Ctr + i≤/i≥ and in Replace box, put ≤i≥^&≤/i≥  . Replace all. (This preserves any italics you've got in your document for later--if you don't do this step, you'll lose all italic formatting.)

So apparently I am a moron. I actually typed in ≤i≥Ctr + i≤/i≥


This doesn’t work. Your find and replace window should look like this:

This is achieved by pressing Ctrl + i once in “Find what:” (Leave it blank) and typing in the other part and Ctrl + i twice.

Original Italic Text:
Looks Like This
New Italic Text:
≤i≥Looks Like This≤/i≥

Now working in Notepad.



4. Find/Replace all em-dashes with –


Select an em-dash from your document and copy it, paste it in the Find box, then manually type the two hyphens in the Replace box
I am going to play with fire and use a single — (Alt – 0151) instead.
 
Once I got into the J-Edit stuff I got really rather lost but perhaps because I was attempting to do more than Sophia was doing when she wrote her blog. 

One thing if you are using the KISS principle for your E-Book (not always a bad idea) there are some settings that you may want to note in J-Edit's find and replace window:

Change from "Keep Dialog" to "Regular Expressions" under the Settings Column

In an attempt to better understand some of the things Sophia was talking about I went to her source, Guido Henkel (Author of the Jason Dark Series) and the author of Take Pride in Your E-Book Formatting, a nine part series on formatting your e-book.  It sounds daunting however it is well worth the read as you will better figure out how to do a few things that he may not specifically mention.

Just be forewarned there may be a few things that Guido says that you may disagree with, he has a fairly strong opinion on all things e-book related so don't let it turn you off.  For example he says never use a word processor to write with, I saw balderdash! (yes I just said balderdash), we will learn later why you should when we want to format for Smashwords (another entity that he strongly advises against using that I feel strongly the other way for but this is not the time or place).  I would just go through this exercise for this time and figure out how to most effectively use your program for your next story.

So effectively you can skip part I and part II. Part III talks about what to use to create your html file.  I used J-Edit (download here) for text editing and Calibre (download here) for file conversion.
Thus you can skip onto Part IV.  This is where the understanding of what you are doing is key.  If your book has minimal formatting you can likely copy and paste his examples but if yours has things like centered text that aren't titles and image page breaks and other fancy stuff it's good to know the nuts and bolts.
Part V More details on the background
Part VI gets into the nitty gritty of what you need to do.  It talks about cleaning up your data and formatting special characters, I personally did this while on Sophia's steps above and did it in Notepad using the "Nuclear Method" (that's where you copy and paste from word into a simple text editor like notepad not wordpad)
Part VII has the header information that you need to use to properly format.  Some personal notes here.  I added a few more "p classes" by copying and pasting existing ones.
Each "p class" can have any or all of the following elements:

I define a paragraph as the part of text between and


text-indent: 0.0em; How far the first line of the paragraph is indented, generally set to 1.5, set to 0.0 or delete altogether for paragraphs you don't want indented

font-weight: bold; Do not use Italic here, instead as mentioned before surround your italicized text with text not sure about underline however.  Also note that text isn't suitable for text either.
font-size: 1em; This is a multiplier of the base text size. As you can vary text size in the reader this will vary with it.  If the text size on the reader is set at 10 then if this is set at 1.5 the text size on the reader will be 15
margin-top:5em; This is the number of lines above the paragraph
margin-bottom:2em; This is the number of lines below the paragraph
text-align: center; Just remove if the setting is left, avoid justify didn't try right, it may work.

When making new "p classes" give them a name that will remind you of what they are however avoid using "Chapter" in any form in the name as later you will need that specific one for creating a table of contents (ToC).  The ToC is a bit of a limiting factor in my opinion on formatting but a worthwhile one.
One note on centering you must use both the p class="centered" and span.centered as different formats will ignore one over the other

Header ie.
p.centered

{
text-indent: 0em;
text-align: center;
}
span.centered
{
text-indent: 0em;
text-align: center;
}
Body ie.

≤p class="centered"≥≤span class="centered"≥***≤/span>≤/p≥

Part VIII This is the fun stuff adding pictures however use them sparingly and don't bother with a front cover as it will be added in the next step.  I also found out that some readers do not display images.  I used a lightning bolt to mark breaks, the Kobo and Nook didn't show it for some reason.  I opted to use two different versions, one for E-Pub and one for Mobi where the Mobi had the imagary and the E-Pub did not.  Just make sure that the final product won't look incomplete without the images.

This is a good time to check your html file. In windows explorer/chrome etc search the file for & if there is an error with formatting you will likely find it doing that.  Also try with ; although hopefully you have a few of those that should be there (if not you may want to do some semi-colon research :D)

Before you complete the next part download the desktop versions of Kindle and Nook (if you don't own either).  I would also suggest finding someone who one one of each to have a quick look at the product before you submit it.  Don't worry about other formats because the upcoming Smashwords formatting will take care of other formats.  If you are uploading to venues other than the ones I did (Amazon, Smashwords, Goodreads, attempted Barnes & Noble but decided to forgo the hassles of a US bank account) you will have to defer to their instructions.

Part IX This is where Calibre comes into play.  It's a little frustrating that you find out about some of your formatting issues at this step as you have to repeat Part IX until you get it right.  First thing I (should have) did was made sure that I had my Synopsis somewhere other than just written into the comments in calibre.  Follow all of his steps to the letter then check the formatting, if it is wrong wipe it off, fix the mistakes and start again.

In the end you will have a folder with your name on it, inside that another folder with the name of your book then a few files.  The only ones you need to worry about are:
Your Kick Ass Book.mobi and Your Kick Ass Book.epub (The images are embedded in those files already)


FORMATTING FOR SMASHWORDS
I will write update this matter after my submission gets accepted for their premium catelogue.
I was quickly accepted into their regular catalogue. Update: After waiting a week then sending a quick e-mail to Smashwords I was placed on their premium catalogue.  There is a dashboard showing how long and when books are distributed. Further detail coming in new post later this week.First of all it should be your goal to get into their premium catalogue, they distribute to EVERYBODY and although Amazon and Barnes & Noble seem to be the top bananas right now that may change.  Smashwords won't take over but someone they supply to just might become the next big thing (hint: they supply to iPad) so do it right, the first time.




Here is a few things that I did.
I opened my html file in an internet explorer window and copied all of the text into notepad, then I copied it from there into word.  After that I downloaded the Smashwords Style Guide.  I had been scared away from it before I looked at it but I would say that it is a rather impressive peice of work and if you follow it to the letter your work should turn out.  Also if you wish to retain some particular formatting that you think is necessary read this
http://www.smashwords.com/distribution
It will likely tell you that any fancy formatting you would like to do (for instance I like to have an indent and paragraph blocks. Smashwords will automatically reject it and you will likely have to delay your inclusion in their premium catelogue to convince them to let you keep it or to redo it without. Another common thing you may have is a greater than four-line space.  Same thing, just don't do it.)

In the end formatting for Smashwords was the easiest and seeing what transpires when I hit their premium catalogue I may skip Amazon next time and just go with Smashwords Upon further inspection I realized that Smashwords is having technical difficulties distributing to Amazon.

From Moleskin to Microchips, getting started again

Would you read a story that started with

I was just finishing up a case I was working on, the case was scotch and I'd just about gotten to the bottom of it...

After spending time looking over all of my old notebooks filled with fragments of stories and getting frustrated with where I am with my serial killer story I have decided to take some time to move
Richard Babcock and the Case of the Hollywood Starlet
from moleskin to microchips.  I'm kind of excited too.  I forgot how far I had actually gotten with this story.  I only wrote it when I needed something to lighten the mood when I was doing darker stuff.

Synopsis:
Richard Babcock is a stereo-typical Hollywood detective, drunk, down on his luck and broke.  He's a throwback to the 1940s but 20 years too late and 1960s Hollywood is not the same place for a Film Noir reject.  A famous Hollywood Starlet stumbles across his path and solicits his help in trying to find out who is trying to kill her and why.

Something told me it was a good time to head back to 1175 Vermont, walk into my office and tell Miss Movie-star where to put her ten grand, that was the part of me that was almost a new paint job on my old ford.  But who was I kidding?  My life wasn't worth ten grand, she got a bargain.

At some point this Hollywood Princess ends up having to stay at Babcocks office.

"Mr. Babcock!" She furiously pulled the coat around her shoulders.  I noticed her dress folded neatly on top of a small white suitcase.  "Do you not have any respect for a Ladies Privacy?"

"With all due respect, lady, this is my office and that's my bed your sleeping on."

Complete with car chases even, wow!

I helped her stuff the few things she had in her bag then grabbed a few odds and ends (scotch) of my own.  We ran out the back and tossed the stuff in her trunk.  I heard a car brake hard and looked.  It was the same Lincoln that followed me from the Roosevelt.

"Get in!" I ordered and yanked the driver's door open got in, started the car and threw it into reverse in one fluid motion.  She was seated but hadn't even gotten her door closed.  "Hold on!" I barked and raced backwards towards the offending car.

Anyway, hope this was a tease and not a bore!

Later
D.

Too Dumb to Dance

Dear Constant Readers:

I hope that none of you are crying in your pillows about the demise of Karma's a Bitch.  I know I'm not (and as I am likely the only "Constant Reader" they you aren't either).  I have replaced it with an epic journey of three young men trying to make it in the world of Competitive Men's Throw Dancing.

Not Since Slingovich and Flotosky has there been such talent unleashed upon this world.

I hope to have weekly chapters added to this saga on the Too Dumb to Dance page of this blog.  Read, follow, comment, critique, pan, review share, make fun of.

So far there are three chapters up.

Too Dumb to Dance
Enjoy!

D.

I Miss Type Writers

Well, not really but in a way they were really the best word processors as far as readability.

I recently bought a Kobo after looking at the screen for about 5 seconds.  It is a nifty device that, wait for it...

IS ONLY AN E-READER

Wow!  What a simple concept, a device that only has one purpose.  I don't want to go on a tech rant here but I am really sick of "Swiss Army Knife" technology where one little device does everything imaginable but whose original function is all but lost, like a cell phone for instance, I swear to god that one day someone is going to come out with a cell phone and forget to include calling features.

Now don't get me wrong, these all in one devices are very handy to have but they can't replace everything.  Digital books are a great example of technology that should have taken off much sooner, why didn't they?  No one wanted to read a book on their computer screen and I can't blame them.  Could they read them on a phone, hell no, you would lose your mind so eventually someone was smart enough to stand back and say, "Wait, we need a device that is like a book."  Bingo!  I think we need more single function technology.

So where I am really going with this is that if books are hard to read on a computer screen why then are we still using them for word processing?  Someone needs to come out with a Kobo type device for writing.  Could you imagine how wonderful it would be to type everything out reading it as you used to from your old type written pages without having to then re-enter it into your computer?

Anyway, that's my writing thoughts for today.

(I Really Need a Fancy Sign Off Phrase)

D

Kindles and Other Such Electronic Reading Devices (ERD)

The Reader’s PerspectiveI haven’t personally used an ERD and have only tried to read a novel on-line once, it was terribly hard on the eyes, I know that the new technology has fixed all that and the devices do seem pretty slick but I can’t see myself getting one.

Call me a little bit old fashioned but I like the look, feel and smell of a book. I like the feeling of turning over a page or rustling through the pages trying to find a passage that didn’t make sense until now.

Searching for my bookmark or folding over a page to mark a spot seems like a burden to some but to me it’s all part of the experience. I also like to pick up a book at a store or in the library and look it over, flip through a few pages, read the back, read the flaps it’s kind of like shopping for a car, after all you are going to be spending a few intimate hours with it.

The Conscientious Citizen’s Perspective
If ERDs replace books completely it would increase illiteracy rates world wide as most of the World’s population does not have access to necessary technology let alone something as luxurious as an ERD. Books are hard enough to come by. Things like libraries would have to completely change how they do business and would likely not be able to keep up. On one hand it would reduce waste tremendously as well as reduce paper usage if we stopped having hard copies of our daily newspapers and everything else but in reality the loss would far outweigh the gain.

The Writer’s Perspective
Fuckin’ Eh! I think that these things are the last great hope for the written word. I wondered ever since the beginning of the personal computer how long it would be until getting books electronically would be the norm. Books are getting increasingly expensive and less people are buying them and reading them, if ERDs become reasonably priced and getting books because incredibly easy I think more and more people will start reading again. I think much of the younger generation embrace anything technological and view books as archaic. I personally am going to try to give my little novella to Amazon to have for free for their Kindles, just as an experiment. I will likely fail in trying to do that but what the hell.

I think all writers (except Nora Roberts, James Patterson, Stephen King, Stephanie Meyer, J.K. Rowling…) need to embrace this technology and try to get in while the technology is still new if it isn’t too late already.
←————————————————————————————————————→
I would be really interested in the opinions of any other writers on this, weigh in please!

My Favourite Author

A. Lee Martinez

Just a little bit about how I discovered this Author and why this particular post is dedicated to him.

My brother-in-law is an avid Sci-Fi/Fantasy Comic Book/Graphic novel reader and one day he was at the library with my wife. She happened to see a copy of Monster by A. Lee Martinez and it really caught her attention (it helps that it has a bright yellow cover).

He read it, told me I had to read it, then within about a month I had read (and in this order):
-Monster
-The Automatic Detective
-Divine Misfortune
-Gil's All Fright Diner
-Too Many Curses
-In the Company of Ogres

I don't think I have ever read five books by one author in a row where I didn't find at least one of the books meh. I'm not saying that they just kept getting better, it's that they were all fantastic and different and hard to compare to each other.

All I can say is read them, and read them all!

Check out his website:

http://www.aleemartinez.com/

One thing though, for some reason the website hates me so be forewarned that it is not necessarily friendly for every platform.